Warning, this post may be triggering to some.
It’s my turn to speak for the unwanted birth of a child. I struggled to tell this story. It’s not a pleasant one. Many years ago, when I was 12, I’m 52 years old now, a man broke into our apartment and raped me and my mother. I was already traumatized. I had already experienced every form of abuse. I already had dissociative identity disorder. I was pretty fucked up at the time. Still, even though I blocked it with dissociation, I would relive this moment and many other moments of sexual abuse and molestation over and over and over again. Out of this rape, my mother was impregnated. She already had five children, two at home. She did have a 6th child many years before this, but he died from SIDS. However, my mother didn’t want to keep the child from the rape, so she had it aborted.
For most of my life, until I started healing, I wondered why I was born. I desperately wanted to die. I suffered so much, I wished my mother had aborted me. Anyone ever feel that way? Life hurts so bad, you’ve been through so much shit, you wish you had never been born? I know many people do. I tried to commit suicide many times. I was a mess. My mother had schizophrenia. I don’t mean it like the people who nonchalantly call someone crazy because they’re different. I don’t mean it like when people say, “that’s so schizophrenic” which I find insulting. No, she seriously had schizophrenia.
For the people who say, God doesn’t condone the taking of a life, well God doesn’t condone rape, abuse, molestation of a child or any other thing children are subjected to, yet it’s done! Something else, I need to say is God is not in it. God’s not in the rape, or the molestation, and God’s not in the abortion. God’s not in it at all. So leave these women and children alone and let them do what they want with their own bodies! On a side note, the church doesn’t need more children to abuse! Society doesn’t need more throw away children to mess up their heads, to use, abuse, and exploit their minds, bodies, and souls.
I have healed from my own wounds, I have been empowered, I am on the other side of my years of mental illness, just to let you all know that it’s a woman right what she does with her body. Oh, God wasn’t in my sickness, and wasn’t in my healing either. Don’t make this about god because it isn’t. It’s about a woman’s right to choose. My mother, she was very sick, i went through a lot of heart ache with her, and not bringing another unwanted child in this world, was the most sane thing she could ever do.