Category Archives: Bullies

Government bullying

This morning, sitting around the kitchen table, we were all discussing the silly laws our government has created. Not too long ago, a guest, from out of state, was fined for falling asleep at the bus stop! There are serious abuses of power within the government, who believes what they’re doing is to serve and protect. However, some of the very laws created to protect one group of people ends up hurting another.

We all have numerous examples of government bullying. Laws were created to establish order and keep people safe, yet all too often, ordinary human behavior becomes defined as criminal activity. An organization wanted to feed the homeless at a park but were fined because they didn’t have the proper permits. It’s a very sad state. Why doesn’t the government feed the people, then? They have the permission to give the permits, then they should do it, right? I’m not here to bash the government or to rile up anyone, but we do need revolution.

We shouldn’t have to jump through government hoops to feed people. I believe people have also become too dependent upon the government for help and direction. Everyday citizens can lend a hand to someone in need. We live in this great country of abundance and yet so many are barely getting by. In my own case, many times, I’ve been afraid to ask anyone for help. I was afraid of being judged, or turned down. I didn’t risk asking for help, and then the government had to step in to take care of me. The government may have programs to help people, but it’s the compassion from our neighbors, or family that makes a huge difference.

I believe we all want the same thing. We want to live in peace, safety, and harmony with everyone. We want a safe place to live, jobs, and healthy food to eat. We want what the constitution offers which is life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. However, everyone has different ideas of what that means for them and how to accomplish it. Therefore, if we want to see change, we each must get involved in changing the way the government operates. We are the government because we elect those in power.

Call or send your letters of concern to your representatives. And while we’re at it, let’s write them about what they’re doing right as well as what can be improved upon or needs a major overhaul. Let’s thank them for their service. Appreciation for the little things go a very long way. Be the change. We are all responsible for our lives, and our future, take back your power, and speak up for what is right, decent, and humane. Love and peace.

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Sing A Song

The last couple of days, I’ve written about bullying, today I’m switching it a little bit. My biggest point in writing about it has been to empower yourself, speak up for yourself or someone else. Use your voice, your actions, and compassion to overcome the effects of bullying. So today, I will briefly share what I have done and am doing to help myself. I believe I was healed in order to heal others, to share my stories of healing and lead the way for someone else to rise up out of despair, depression, anxiety, and on.

An important aspect of my healing was talk therapy, lots of journaling, writing, and basically communicating. It’s important to have the right person though. Let’s be honest, not everyone is prepared to hear our sad stories, or to deal with depression and anger. Sometimes people just don’t want to talk about difficult subjects. You notice in many social circles the rule is to not talk about religion nor politics. Okay, I’m getting off the subject for a second. The reason is because the subjects can be heated since everyone passionately believes in their stance. Sometimes, anger arises, frustration and sadness. People don’t always know how to deal with these so called negative emotions. However, these are common feelings which everyone has! Why are we uncomfortable with them? It’s perfectly human to get angry, frustrated, sad and depressed over the state of the world or our inner turmoil. It’s what we do with these emotions that counts.  We don’t hurt anyone with our words or actions when we’re feeling angry and frustrated.

This is where compassion and patience comes into play. When we are discussing difficult subjects such as bullying, it gets uncomfortable because in many situations we’re told not to talk about it We’re told not to talk about the family business. The alcoholic uncle, addicted sister, molestation, incest and mental illnesses. However, I’m here to tell you that in order for our society to heal collectively and individually is to come out of our comfort zones and speak it or write about it. It’s the way through and up. Do not shove it under the covers and hide in guilt or shame. Shine a light upon it and in time you will see your healing. It’s scary at first, but with each baby step, next thing you know, you are running towards release, freedom and healing. You are no longer carrying that heavy burden. I highly recommend a compassionate therapist, friend, family member, or support group to get help and healing.

One way to strengthen your voice, and to feel confident is to sing. If you can’t sing, then hum a song. Eventually, just sing your heart out. I had to take back my voice. I used to speak in a very soft voice, and I didn’t enunciate my words very well, or I spoke too fast due to nervousness. I still struggle sometimes, but I’m much more confident now. I sing my favorite songs, one is Whitney Houston’s Greatest Love of All. I can’t reach her vocal range, but as I strive to, it helps me to exercise my own vocal chords.

When you are singing and working those chords, and you think you can’t get them to get any further, go just a little bit more. I feel empowered, strong, and courageous to share my stories as I learn to use my voice or just writing. The other thing it does, is you are less effected by criticism and I don’t fear judgment so much when I have confidence in speaking. Look into laughter clubs, too. Just google “laughter club.” It’s good to have a nice laugh every now and then, and you learn to relax in social situations. Love yourself!!

Parental Bullies

I’ve been agonizing over what to write about parental bullying. There is no simple way to say it. Included in the parental bullying are: grandparents, caregivers, uncles, aunts, foster parents, or those in authority over a child and adult children. I’m just going to briefly state different types of bullying:

Verbal berating, criticizing, teasing and belittling.

Physically beating the child with an object, hands, feet, etc..leaving cuts and bruises.

Sexually assaulting a child.

Insisting children share your religious beliefs.

Rejecting the children/adult children based on their career, lifestyle, partner choices.

Threatening to cause harm to a child for disobedience or noncompliance.

Withholding food, clothing, shelter, and emotional support.

I could go on and on but I really don’t want to. My intention of writing this post about parental bullying is to talk about what this type of bullying does to someone. For me, I grew up feeling like I didn’t matter. I felt like I had no say over what happened to me. I felt very disempowered. I felt robbed of my right to life and safety. I didn’t feel safe growing up. Grownups weren’t safe people, neither were some of the kids, but mostly it was the adults who were supposed to keep me safe. I was in a constant state of anxiety and fear. I didn’t know what would happen from one minute to the next. I did not dare speak to anyone of what took place at home due to being threatened. I want to reiterate that I did not dare to speak. Some people will ask, “Why didn’t you speak up?” It was beaten into me that I better not say anything. I had my voice stripped away. Lots of people feel powerless due to not being able to talk about it.

Many people have been bullied in their lives and if you wonder why they don’t speak up, it’s not because they agree or condone with someone’s bad behavior, but it’s because they were taught to be quiet while witnessing horrific events upon themselves or someone else. Many just silently weep in the middle of the night, wishing it will stop. These children grow up to be very depressed, angry, anxious,fighters, feeling inferior, have personality disorders, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

We are the walking wounded, and sometimes we go over the top fighting the system or just being compliant. Sometimes afraid to make the wrong choice or go along with someone else’s plan for our lives instead of what we really wanted. However, some simply don’t know what we want because someone else decided for us and think we’re too stupid to make our own choices. You’re not stupid, you get to decide from now on!

Since I have healed from depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and PTSD now I am here to encourage those who have experienced parental bullying to speak up. Take back your voice. Find your power. Get help from a friend, counselor, coach, or healer. You are worth it. You don’t deserve to live in fear of using your voice. You are allowed to speak your truth. You are allowed to tell your stories. You are allowed to heal from all manner of bullying and abuse. Love yourself!  You are worthy!  One final note, I have forgiven the people who bullied me.  I do not hold any anger or ill will towards any of them.  I wish them love, peace, and healing.  Many bullies were given poor examples of parenting, which is why I can easily choose to forgive with grace and ease.

Spiritual Bullies

This week, I’m going to focus my posts on bullies. This one is about spiritual bullies. I’ve had many encounters with bullies but this one I find notorious. Many spiritual bullies do it with good intention, but it’s way off. I do not like being told God loves me, but if I don’t obey Him, then I’m going to hell someday. I do not like being judged by other people who claim to speak for God, or use the Bible, and other texts to fear monger. I’m not anti-Bible, nor anti-Christian, but I am not for people who have used the name of God to abuse people, and cause pain.

In my own life, I had to leave the church in order to realize that God, Goddess, or Universe actually does love me. I do believe God or someone created the world. However, I do not believe in all the interpretations people have for the bible and other sacred texts. I do not believe the dogmatic doctrine many churches insist upon.

In my early 20s, I was teaching a bible study about the holy spirit from a book I got from a book store. A person came up to me and told me I was teaching false doctrine. I had bought the book at a Christian book store. I was using the Bible, what’s the problem? Apparently, many pastors didn’t believe in this particular doctrine. How was I supposed to know? It was in a Christian book store! This is one of my points. There are many interpretations for scriptures and the people do not agree upon what is truth. Not only that, but some judged me as a nonChristian because I didn’t have certain spiritual gifts. This made me very sad.

So after years of being in the church, one day, I just decided, I must not be one of them! I don’t think like them. I don’t believe like them. I don’t see God as they do. I must not be one of them! Aha! No wonder I don’t belong there! There are many people in the United States and around the world who absolutely do not agree with the church’s stance on issues, yet, the church continues to act like they have some sort of spiritual authority over other people’s lives.

People are allowed to live their lives and not agree with your interpretations. They are allowed to make their own choices even if you don’t like them! And let’s be clear, I don’t mind believers having their beliefs, but I do mind someone insisting I believe as they do. I love my life. I strive everyday to live in peace with every person, every living creature, and the planet. I love myself. I love other people. I believe in the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. I do not attempt to thwart someone else’s beliefs.

The most heartbreaking aspect of this, is that people are afraid to speak up. They don’t want to be ostracized, judged, or shamed and so they suffer in silence. They don’t dare disagree with their pastor or make waves. Meanwhile, they’re very unhappy with their church or simply go somewhere else, never finding what they’re looking for because the doctrine or something is always a little bit off. They know what will happen if they speak up because it’s been done before. This type of behavior, of not allowing people to speak up and question things, causes people to live passive and disempowered lives. People go along with the mainstream because they don’t want to be judged. They follow the masses not realizing it’s leading to their destruction.

In my own life, the answer was just to come away from it all. I was very sad at first, but now I feel free and liberated. I don’t miss going to church hearing messages of hell and eternal damnation. I don’t miss being judged or misunderstood. I don’t miss gossip, hypocrisy, and pretending everyone is “happy in Jesus” when they’re not. I’m happy living in the world where people celebrate one another instead of separating because of differences. I believe the Universe loves all people equally, and does not judge our lives. Love is love. Love is the greatest power in the Universe. The bullies in church would have us believe otherwise. Nope, I don’t think so. I have a right to believe what I choose to believe. I don’t need anyone’s approval. I approve of me! I love me!! Love and peace.