Category Archives: Fear

Freedom from fear!

I’m lying down in bed, propped up by two pillows, as I write this blog post. Sometimes life is exhausting, and no matter how much I want to participate in it, I might shrink back out of fear! I have to consciously break through the fear barriers almost everyday. Every new day, is an invitation from life to come out and work, play, enjoy the world, be alive! Life is constantly presenting itself. Maybe there’s a moment of laughter when you see something funny. Or there’s grief and sadness due to the floods and devastation around the world. Maybe there’s comfort and warmth when you see someone helping another. This is the stuff of life!

I ask myself from my bed, what can I do? Well I can pray. I can write notes. I can post encouraging stuff on mass media. Yet sometimes it’s a challenge to roll out of bed. I can send money or encourage others to send money or goods. It’s all in perspective. Everyone can do something. If you smile at a neighbor, help a friend or take a nap because you’re tired, loving yourself, it’s enough. It’s more than enough! You are enough!

Too many days, I’ve had inspiration come to me and I didn’t act upon it because I was afraid. I wanted to speak up. I wanted to say something nice and helpful or I wanted to speak against something horrible but I told my voice to be quiet. I told myself, “no you don’t do that!!!” Yet today, I’m kicking my fear out! I’m telling it to shut the f**k up! I’m telling it, “you’re not welcome here!” I’m not going to allow it to paralyze me anymore. This is all part of my journey. I appreciate all my friends, family, and fans who are patient with me. Those who loudly or silently stand by and cheer me on! Thank you so much! I appreciate those who understand my secret struggle to come out of my shell and be all that I can be, which is enough!

Anytime you see me posting something, that’s me giving birth to a new version of myself who is not afraid. It’s me shedding layers of fear and and holding back from being my true self. It’s me bursting out of the shell that has kept me in constraints! Maybe this post sounds a bit like I’m self absorbed but I’m really thinking of others. I’m thinking of others who have fears or anxiety of putting yourself out there. I’m thinking of people who doubt themselves or have low confidence.

My writing is really to inspire others. I share about my overcoming just to inspire someone else to overcome, too! It’s because I love myself and I love the world. I want everyone to feel empowered and special. I want everyone to not be afraid to shine their light and offer the gift of themselves to the world. I want everyone to experience this freedom from fear! Loving and accepting others is the best gift to anyone, to release fears, and live in personal freedom and empowerment. I love myself, and release all fears that do not serve my highest good.

Advertisements

Seasons Change

I keep going back to the turning points in my life. I turn a corner and I realize there’s yet another corner to turn! I build my momentum and excitement to get to the next corner. Sometimes there’s a huge celebration, other times, I’m thinking, “why did I bother?” Every time I think I’m enlightened, I realize there’s more enlightenment or levels of awareness. Lol. Then I realize, I know nothing about enlightenment!

I’m just very excited. I’m excited about all the twists and turns my life has taken. I’m excited because I was stuck in a downward spiral and now I’m just constantly going upward and just when I think I can’t go any higher, I’m lifted even higher! I seem to be constantly gauging my reactions to the stimuli that life presents to me. I wonder if I’m over reacting, overly excitement, or if I’m not excited enough. I’m naturally analytical and introspective mostly towards myself and the things I’m engaging with in my life.

There have been some very defining moments in my life when everything changed. I’m talking about changing from someone who took numerous psychotropics to none; someone who was very depressed, psychotic, and suffering with post traumatic stress disorder. I have recently discovered that most of the changes in my life, although they came about from a specific catalyst, the biggest factor that took me to a mentally healthier version of me, was letting go of fears. I let go of the fears of the unknown. I stopped worrying about what others would think. I stopped worrying about being judged. I stopped wondering what if something went wrong and instead dreamed about things going right. I stopped the fearful thoughts that swirled around and around in my head. They certainly weren’t working for me!

I also decided to believe change is possible. I decided to bet on me. I decided to try anything and everything to radically switch the direction of my life instead of going with the same old status quo. There really are seasons of our lives. It’s important to recognize what season I’m in, in order to switch between seasons with grace and ease, and fearlessly. It’s nice to add a bit of inquisitiveness. What is around the corner? What is just around the river bend? Where is the bend in the road leading me to? Can I just peek a little bit as I hurry over there? I’m not afraid, simply because I’ve turned so many corners, despite sometimes not even knowing what to expect (although I did expect something good, at least).

The biggest factor which effected the direction I took, as the seasons changed, was questioning my fears, my self talk, and fear mongering. I especially like to question when someone else tries to tell me what is best for me. I definitely question prolific fear mongering in all of it’s forms. Pretty soon here, I’m going to start a rant about fear mongering. The biggest fear mongering that annoys me is the fear of judgement. I will be the first to admit that I used to be very fearful of judgement, especially judgment from God. However, I don’t live with this fear anymore. It was a very long season of my life, in which I feared judgement from God. However, the season has changed. I am happier and freer since I let go of this fear and many other fears. Every now and then, someone will do a little bit of fear mongering to suck me back into it, by telling me that God’s going to come judge me, but I don’t buy into it.

The final indication of the season changing is that I’m willing to write and talk about letting go of fears! I no longer fear what people will say about my changing my mind about fears. I changed my mind about God’s judgment. It’s a brand new season! This is a huge step because it’s sort of the precursor to another book I’ve been writing. The message here, right now, is that people change their minds about things, their beliefs and their ideas, and it’s totally okay! It’s okay to question my beliefs. It’s okay to say, “That sounds like bullshit!” I used to be afraid to question things, and I loathed myself.  Now, I love myself and I allow myself to have different beliefs than others. It’s about being true to me and what works for me. I live from the heart. I ask myself, “what would love to do?” I do this because I personally believe, love is the answer.   Seasons change.

Letting Go of 2016

This is my last blog post of the year.  The end of the year is here! I find myself reflecting on all that transpired over the past 365 days. I laugh and I cry as I remember. I had many ups and downs and turn arounds. I released old fears, out dated beliefs, and habits. I’ve striven to live in peace with all and when I couldn’t, I prayed, meditated and reflected on my part. I gave the best from my heart. Where I failed, I apologized, and I forgave myself.

I’m taking the opportunity now to release all that no longer supports my personal and spiritual growth. Letting go is really easy!  Forgiving myself for my mistakes is very easy!  Giving myself the grace and compassion to let go of all the obstacles that have been in my way is easy peasy!As of now, I affirm, I  let go of the old and bring in the new. I let go of anger, hate and bitterness. I let go of unforgiveness and criticism. I let go of shame, doubt, fear mongering, and guilt.

I am free and clear of all people, energies, and items that no longer serve my highest good. I release the old and welcome the new! It’s a brand new day. I choose to live without the fear of the unknown.   I receive the health, love, success, and positive opportunities coming my way in 2017.  I give myself compassion as much as I give to others.  I give love to myself as I would give to another.   I live in peace, love and harmony with all of creation. I love myself!

I chose the featured song because I believe we are all innocent…Shine on!!!

Self Help

Self help isn’t just a classification of books! For me, it’s about helping myself instead of waiting on someone else. I have read many books on self help, spirituality, scriptures, reinventing the self, motivation, and inspiring stories. None of these will ever help if you don’t take the information and do something about your life. It took me a very long time to realize this. Okay, I was slow to learn! It wasn’t until I questioned my beliefs about myself and life that I began to pay attention.

I let go of false beliefs and questionable theology more so than adopting new beliefs. Of course, it was easier to accept new beliefs and practices once I had an open minnd and let go of rigid belief systems. I went to lots of therapy, which helped tremendouly, but in helping myself, I was able to grow by leaps in bounds just by meditating, and getting honest with myself.

I had to get seriously honest with myself. I had to tell myself the truth of how I had messed up my own life. I also had to stop waiting on someone else to come save me from myself. No, I had to acknowledge the truth of where I had strayed, and where I had adopted others’ beliefs without question. However, I found that once I stopped believing dogmatic messages, I found I wasn’t so bad after all. I did more of what lifts me up. I hung out with positive people. I started taking charge of my own health and mental well being. I did things that were good for me without asking permission of anyone.

I’m allowed to make changes and adjustments in life that I see fit and that are good for me. And you know, when I did this, not only did I get better mentally, physically and spiritually, but it changed the dynamics of my relationships, too. I would say the best self help is to stop waiting on someone else to tell me what to do or how to live and just get very honest with myself!

Other people, who are not objective, will tell you how to fix your problems based upon their perception of your problem or how they solve their own problems. They can offer suggestions, but really at the end of the day, I have to decide for myself what’s good and right for me. I’m a good and kindhearted person. I can trust me to make good decisions. I can help myself. I can consult with others or ask for advice, but in the end it’s up to me what I choose to do. I’m in charge of myself.

When I am honest with myself, I check myself to see if I am living in integrity with my core belief systems or whether they need to be altered or released. And since I check myself, if I make a mistake, I don’t wallow in guilt, shame, blame, or fear. I correct it. I forgive myself. Self help is loving yourself!

My blog posts, and my book, Dear Sophia, Love Yourself, are primer’s to get people to start thinking about issues differently. To look at them from a different perspective to learn, grow, or change mindset. They are especially written to spark an “aha” moment! It’s works for me! Comments are always welcome.

Truthing

“…the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.” It’s the oath we make when we’re in court. But what about everyday truth? Who do I bear allegiance to then? Usually it’s me! We all have different versions of truth. When I’m talking about something and someone absolutely cannot see it happening or refuses to believe it, it doesn’t change my truth and I don’t change it to make them feel better! Or do I?

Many times, I’ve watered down something to help someone accept what I’m trying to say because they just could not hear it! However, I found this to eat away at my core. It bothered my conscience. I would feel empty inside and misunderstood. I couldn’t tell the whole truth! It’s very uncomfortable. It’s not authentic. I have learned to be careful with who I’m sharing my truth with. I don’t just tell anyone because not all are ready for it. It’s okay. It’s not for everyone either.

Everyone all around the world have different versions of truth. I believe everyone has the innate ability to hear, discern, and know truth. There’s an internal guidance system called our intuition. It really depends upon our early teachings, our impressions, and what we personally believe that leads to interpretations of truth. This is an undeniable fact. So many people hear the exact same story, but based on their filters and personal beliefs will interpret it in their own way that makes sense to them. Whatever you hear me NOT saying or between the lines has more to do with you than me! Think about it…

It is good for your mental health to question truth every now and then!  What are you believing or telling yourself?  Is it really true?  Is it true today, right now, or is it something from the past?  Is it your belief or someone else’s?  Do you water it down for  someone else?  Do you exaggerate it?   It is written, “the truth will set you free.”  What is truth?

My blog posts, and my book, Dear Sophia, Love Yourself, are primer’s to get people to start thinking about issues differently. To look at them from a different perspective to learn, grow, or change mindset. They are especially written to spark an “aha” moment! It’s works for me! Comments are always welcome.

Government bullying

This morning, sitting around the kitchen table, we were all discussing the silly laws our government has created. Not too long ago, a guest, from out of state, was fined for falling asleep at the bus stop! There are serious abuses of power within the government, who believes what they’re doing is to serve and protect. However, some of the very laws created to protect one group of people ends up hurting another.

We all have numerous examples of government bullying. Laws were created to establish order and keep people safe, yet all too often, ordinary human behavior becomes defined as criminal activity. An organization wanted to feed the homeless at a park but were fined because they didn’t have the proper permits. It’s a very sad state. Why doesn’t the government feed the people, then? They have the permission to give the permits, then they should do it, right? I’m not here to bash the government or to rile up anyone, but we do need revolution.

We shouldn’t have to jump through government hoops to feed people. I believe people have also become too dependent upon the government for help and direction. Everyday citizens can lend a hand to someone in need. We live in this great country of abundance and yet so many are barely getting by. In my own case, many times, I’ve been afraid to ask anyone for help. I was afraid of being judged, or turned down. I didn’t risk asking for help, and then the government had to step in to take care of me. The government may have programs to help people, but it’s the compassion from our neighbors, or family that makes a huge difference.

I believe we all want the same thing. We want to live in peace, safety, and harmony with everyone. We want a safe place to live, jobs, and healthy food to eat. We want what the constitution offers which is life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. However, everyone has different ideas of what that means for them and how to accomplish it. Therefore, if we want to see change, we each must get involved in changing the way the government operates. We are the government because we elect those in power.

Call or send your letters of concern to your representatives. And while we’re at it, let’s write them about what they’re doing right as well as what can be improved upon or needs a major overhaul. Let’s thank them for their service. Appreciation for the little things go a very long way. Be the change. We are all responsible for our lives, and our future, take back your power, and speak up for what is right, decent, and humane. Love and peace.

Sing A Song

The last couple of days, I’ve written about bullying, today I’m switching it a little bit. My biggest point in writing about it has been to empower yourself, speak up for yourself or someone else. Use your voice, your actions, and compassion to overcome the effects of bullying. So today, I will briefly share what I have done and am doing to help myself. I believe I was healed in order to heal others, to share my stories of healing and lead the way for someone else to rise up out of despair, depression, anxiety, and on.

An important aspect of my healing was talk therapy, lots of journaling, writing, and basically communicating. It’s important to have the right person though. Let’s be honest, not everyone is prepared to hear our sad stories, or to deal with depression and anger. Sometimes people just don’t want to talk about difficult subjects. You notice in many social circles the rule is to not talk about religion nor politics. Okay, I’m getting off the subject for a second. The reason is because the subjects can be heated since everyone passionately believes in their stance. Sometimes, anger arises, frustration and sadness. People don’t always know how to deal with these so called negative emotions. However, these are common feelings which everyone has! Why are we uncomfortable with them? It’s perfectly human to get angry, frustrated, sad and depressed over the state of the world or our inner turmoil. It’s what we do with these emotions that counts.  We don’t hurt anyone with our words or actions when we’re feeling angry and frustrated.

This is where compassion and patience comes into play. When we are discussing difficult subjects such as bullying, it gets uncomfortable because in many situations we’re told not to talk about it We’re told not to talk about the family business. The alcoholic uncle, addicted sister, molestation, incest and mental illnesses. However, I’m here to tell you that in order for our society to heal collectively and individually is to come out of our comfort zones and speak it or write about it. It’s the way through and up. Do not shove it under the covers and hide in guilt or shame. Shine a light upon it and in time you will see your healing. It’s scary at first, but with each baby step, next thing you know, you are running towards release, freedom and healing. You are no longer carrying that heavy burden. I highly recommend a compassionate therapist, friend, family member, or support group to get help and healing.

One way to strengthen your voice, and to feel confident is to sing. If you can’t sing, then hum a song. Eventually, just sing your heart out. I had to take back my voice. I used to speak in a very soft voice, and I didn’t enunciate my words very well, or I spoke too fast due to nervousness. I still struggle sometimes, but I’m much more confident now. I sing my favorite songs, one is Whitney Houston’s Greatest Love of All. I can’t reach her vocal range, but as I strive to, it helps me to exercise my own vocal chords.

When you are singing and working those chords, and you think you can’t get them to get any further, go just a little bit more. I feel empowered, strong, and courageous to share my stories as I learn to use my voice or just writing. The other thing it does, is you are less effected by criticism and I don’t fear judgment so much when I have confidence in speaking. Look into laughter clubs, too. Just google “laughter club.” It’s good to have a nice laugh every now and then, and you learn to relax in social situations. Love yourself!!

Spiritual Bullies

This week, I’m going to focus my posts on bullies. This one is about spiritual bullies. I’ve had many encounters with bullies but this one I find notorious. Many spiritual bullies do it with good intention, but it’s way off. I do not like being told God loves me, but if I don’t obey Him, then I’m going to hell someday. I do not like being judged by other people who claim to speak for God, or use the Bible, and other texts to fear monger. I’m not anti-Bible, nor anti-Christian, but I am not for people who have used the name of God to abuse people, and cause pain.

In my own life, I had to leave the church in order to realize that God, Goddess, or Universe actually does love me. I do believe God or someone created the world. However, I do not believe in all the interpretations people have for the bible and other sacred texts. I do not believe the dogmatic doctrine many churches insist upon.

In my early 20s, I was teaching a bible study about the holy spirit from a book I got from a book store. A person came up to me and told me I was teaching false doctrine. I had bought the book at a Christian book store. I was using the Bible, what’s the problem? Apparently, many pastors didn’t believe in this particular doctrine. How was I supposed to know? It was in a Christian book store! This is one of my points. There are many interpretations for scriptures and the people do not agree upon what is truth. Not only that, but some judged me as a nonChristian because I didn’t have certain spiritual gifts. This made me very sad.

So after years of being in the church, one day, I just decided, I must not be one of them! I don’t think like them. I don’t believe like them. I don’t see God as they do. I must not be one of them! Aha! No wonder I don’t belong there! There are many people in the United States and around the world who absolutely do not agree with the church’s stance on issues, yet, the church continues to act like they have some sort of spiritual authority over other people’s lives.

People are allowed to live their lives and not agree with your interpretations. They are allowed to make their own choices even if you don’t like them! And let’s be clear, I don’t mind believers having their beliefs, but I do mind someone insisting I believe as they do. I love my life. I strive everyday to live in peace with every person, every living creature, and the planet. I love myself. I love other people. I believe in the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. I do not attempt to thwart someone else’s beliefs.

The most heartbreaking aspect of this, is that people are afraid to speak up. They don’t want to be ostracized, judged, or shamed and so they suffer in silence. They don’t dare disagree with their pastor or make waves. Meanwhile, they’re very unhappy with their church or simply go somewhere else, never finding what they’re looking for because the doctrine or something is always a little bit off. They know what will happen if they speak up because it’s been done before. This type of behavior, of not allowing people to speak up and question things, causes people to live passive and disempowered lives. People go along with the mainstream because they don’t want to be judged. They follow the masses not realizing it’s leading to their destruction.

In my own life, the answer was just to come away from it all. I was very sad at first, but now I feel free and liberated. I don’t miss going to church hearing messages of hell and eternal damnation. I don’t miss being judged or misunderstood. I don’t miss gossip, hypocrisy, and pretending everyone is “happy in Jesus” when they’re not. I’m happy living in the world where people celebrate one another instead of separating because of differences. I believe the Universe loves all people equally, and does not judge our lives. Love is love. Love is the greatest power in the Universe. The bullies in church would have us believe otherwise. Nope, I don’t think so. I have a right to believe what I choose to believe. I don’t need anyone’s approval. I approve of me! I love me!! Love and peace.

Confidence Story

I share this story because sometimes I forget there is a process to gaining confidence.  I remember when I was Basic Training while I was in the Army.  In training, one of the tasks is you have to learn how to put on a gas mask.  You put it on clear out the air, then seal it.  I was having  a lot of trouble.  There was a 3 step process, and it had to be done within a certain time limit.  This was 30 some  years ago!

However, I remember in the final test, even after numerous training exercises, I still didn’t have the process down.  I was so scared and nervous going into the final test.  We had to go through numerous field situations where I had to properly put on my gas mask.  I failed in the first one.  I ran straight into a tree when we got tear gassed.  I was trying to run away from the gas.  An officer helped me up.  When I got up, holding on to his arms, I said, “Officer, officer, I can’t breathe!  I can’t breathe!”  He said, “Obviously, you’re breathing, soldier, if you’re talking to me right now!”  This was the funniest moment in my training.  Well actually,  I had numerous funny moments but this one takes the cake.   He helped me to calm down, then showed me how to put my mask on properly.

So in the next test, I remembered what he had shown me.  I had been putting it on improperly which is why I couldn’t breathe or I was taking in the tear gas.  My point is, that is how you gain confidence;   you learn, practice, and do it.     If you don’t get it right the first time, keep on trying!  Ask for help if you need some extra assistance!  It’s all good!   Deep breath….

Happy Endings, New Beginnings!

This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 10

It’s the last day of the freedom plan blog challenge and now time to reflect.   As I type this, I’m listening to one of my favorite inspirational classical songs, called Canon In D by Johann Pachelbel.  I started listening to it after downloading an album of 50 classical songs for babies when my first granddaughter was born.  I noticed I kept going back to it and wanted to find other versions of it;  like there are some arrangements with the violin, piano, harpsichord, etc.  In my search for other versions, I noticed the song is most often played at wedding ceremonies.    Wow, I am always learning something new!  Being an introspective junkie, I wondered why I liked it so much.  For me, it sounds fresh.  It’s invigorating.  It’s hopeful, delightful, it makes me smile and cry at once.

As we come to the close of the blog challenge, I find myself feeling invigorated, alive, hopeful, delighted, smiling and crying at once.   It was quite the trip as I stretched myself way out of my comfort zone to write a different type of blog post.  I really had to work hard to think about my posts because for me, since my blog is about “Enlightenment and Aha Moments”, the challenge was the aha!.  Looking at my vision, plans, and why I do what I do all created aha moments for me.  It was a bit awkward, but I’m used to writing out my thought processes.  I just had to think about things a little bit differently.

My favorite blog post was the second one because it’s about freedom.  It’s what we all want and strive for in it’s many forms.  It’s the one that made me dig deep to get at the heart of why I write, blog, and share my stories.   It’s also the one that I would go back to when I thought I just couldn’t blog anymore!  Hehehe.   The times when I thought I had enough, that I couldn’t do it, yet I didn’t stop.   Yes, there was a lot of releasing of the old and in with the new.  It was a time of shedding fears to bring in the new me; the one that is emerging from her cocoon.  It is the end of hiding.   It’s a fresh beginning of a new way to live in freedom.   I really am free to be me!  I can only do me like no other!   It’s my time to shine.

I’m taking away from it that confidence and strength to keep going  and expanding , and to not sit idly on my dreams.  I also realized, I’m closer to getting to where I want to be than I thought.  I thought my dream was way off in the distant future, but now I know I can take action steps, gain information, attend some classes to get me there.   I’m going to keep on taking steps to my personal freedom, and take as many people with me as possible!   I’m opening the door, stepping outside to a new adventure or chapter in my life.   Thank you Natalie for this wonderful opportunity.