Category Archives: writing

Zombie’s Hunger For Life!

I really try not to think about zombies but every now and then I see them on TV.  The zombie anomaly is very strange. Then one day I got to thinking deeply about it. I do think about things very deeply. Lol. It troubles me that this person who was dead not too long ago reanimates itself. In my opinion, it doesn’t come back to life. It simply muscle and tissues that have some knee jerk desire to seek out human flesh and blood. It has an insatiable appetite. It’s not really feeding itself, but what is it doing? I don’t think it’s really hungry. If it is hungry, it’s hungry for life! It’s hungry for what all of us who are living and breathing and have blood flowing through our veins, which has a consciousness. Zombies do not have a consciousness. They are not not deliberately
feeding on people. They’re not consciously choosing because if they were, they wouldn’t eat me and they’d go sit in a corner or something when done eating. No, instead, they just go look for their next live person or animal to eat.

This all got me thinking about my own life. Am I living consciously? Am I eating consciously? Do I live intentionally? What am I doing or not doing that I want to change? Am I happy with how my life has turned out? I think about these things but zombies don’t. These zombie creatures are hungry for the blood of life! What am I doing with my own blood? Am I experiencing life in all of it’s fullness, beauty, and glory? Or am I just following a knee jerk script that the world says I should be doing? I am a conscious person. I’m alive! I’m breathing! I can play! I can work! I can dance! I can eat when I want! I can sleep when I’m tired! I can daydream any time I want! I can love and be loved! I’m not a mindless machine, I have a soul, a heart and ability to choose. Today, my soul consciously choose love, peace, and harmony for myself and the world.

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Seasons Change

I keep going back to the turning points in my life. I turn a corner and I realize there’s yet another corner to turn! I build my momentum and excitement to get to the next corner. Sometimes there’s a huge celebration, other times, I’m thinking, “why did I bother?” Every time I think I’m enlightened, I realize there’s more enlightenment or levels of awareness. Lol. Then I realize, I know nothing about enlightenment!

I’m just very excited. I’m excited about all the twists and turns my life has taken. I’m excited because I was stuck in a downward spiral and now I’m just constantly going upward and just when I think I can’t go any higher, I’m lifted even higher! I seem to be constantly gauging my reactions to the stimuli that life presents to me. I wonder if I’m over reacting, overly excitement, or if I’m not excited enough. I’m naturally analytical and introspective mostly towards myself and the things I’m engaging with in my life.

There have been some very defining moments in my life when everything changed. I’m talking about changing from someone who took numerous psychotropics to none; someone who was very depressed, psychotic, and suffering with post traumatic stress disorder. I have recently discovered that most of the changes in my life, although they came about from a specific catalyst, the biggest factor that took me to a mentally healthier version of me, was letting go of fears. I let go of the fears of the unknown. I stopped worrying about what others would think. I stopped worrying about being judged. I stopped wondering what if something went wrong and instead dreamed about things going right. I stopped the fearful thoughts that swirled around and around in my head. They certainly weren’t working for me!

I also decided to believe change is possible. I decided to bet on me. I decided to try anything and everything to radically switch the direction of my life instead of going with the same old status quo. There really are seasons of our lives. It’s important to recognize what season I’m in, in order to switch between seasons with grace and ease, and fearlessly. It’s nice to add a bit of inquisitiveness. What is around the corner? What is just around the river bend? Where is the bend in the road leading me to? Can I just peek a little bit as I hurry over there? I’m not afraid, simply because I’ve turned so many corners, despite sometimes not even knowing what to expect (although I did expect something good, at least).

The biggest factor which effected the direction I took, as the seasons changed, was questioning my fears, my self talk, and fear mongering. I especially like to question when someone else tries to tell me what is best for me. I definitely question prolific fear mongering in all of it’s forms. Pretty soon here, I’m going to start a rant about fear mongering. The biggest fear mongering that annoys me is the fear of judgement. I will be the first to admit that I used to be very fearful of judgement, especially judgment from God. However, I don’t live with this fear anymore. It was a very long season of my life, in which I feared judgement from God. However, the season has changed. I am happier and freer since I let go of this fear and many other fears. Every now and then, someone will do a little bit of fear mongering to suck me back into it, by telling me that God’s going to come judge me, but I don’t buy into it.

The final indication of the season changing is that I’m willing to write and talk about letting go of fears! I no longer fear what people will say about my changing my mind about fears. I changed my mind about God’s judgment. It’s a brand new season! This is a huge step because it’s sort of the precursor to another book I’ve been writing. The message here, right now, is that people change their minds about things, their beliefs and their ideas, and it’s totally okay! It’s okay to question my beliefs. It’s okay to say, “That sounds like bullshit!” I used to be afraid to question things, and I loathed myself.  Now, I love myself and I allow myself to have different beliefs than others. It’s about being true to me and what works for me. I live from the heart. I ask myself, “what would love to do?” I do this because I personally believe, love is the answer.   Seasons change.

Beauty of Hindsight

I don’t know how many times I have wondered, “Why did this happen to me?” I don’t know how many times I wondered why I was let go or dismissed. I thought I had done everything right and followed all the rules. I put my best foot forward, I was nice, polite, and “something else”! Yet things didn’t go as planned! What I’ve learned is many people learn their lessons in hindsight. After all, if I’d known a relationship wouldn’t pan out, maybe I never would have started it. If I had known the job wasn’t a good fit, I wouldn’t have tried it and left. Perhaps it was meant to go that way to teach me a lesson! Not many of us have the right perceptions in order to avoid seemingly “disastrous outcomes.” Yet, I believe all of these experiences are life lessons.

However, it usually takes a long time to learn the lesson when I’m resisting it. Like many years ago, I was very depressed and hurt at the way my life was going and the relationships not working out. I wondered what I had done wrong. I didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong. The more I pondered it, the more I wanted an answer, the more I stewed and couldn’t let it go. This is where the danger of falling into depression and being unable to cope comes in. Yes there were many other factors, but at the time I didn’t know how to just let go. I didn’t have the life skills, yet this exact situation was teaching them to me! Resisting, and insisting on answers caused me to lose the lesson until many years after I had finally moved on, and one day I had an “aha” moment of revelation!

I often ask myself now, when things seem to be going awry, “what is this situation trying to teach me?” Sometimes, it’s apparent and other times I need to wait. When I’m stuck in the middle of something, it’s hard to see where it’s going, and what I’m being taught. I’ve learned to be patient, compassionate, forgiving, and loving with myself so that I can continue to function and breathe without spiraling down. This in turn empowers me to give others patience, compassion, forgiveness, love and grace when they’re going through their own struggles. Once I figured out that I learn things in hindsight, I was able to love, forgive and move on.

Resistance slows the process! I had to learn to go with the flow! It takes patience, wisdom and trust in yourself, that you’re going to okay.  As I look back on my life, I see I have overcome so much, and I’m grateful for the beauty of hindsight!

Judgment and Criticism

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Recently, I was receiving negative comments on a post I made in a social group. I was getting all of this negative feedback, judgement, and criticism. None of them knew, I had already felt badly about it. I had already judged myself harshly. I also had already forgiven myself, and let it go. Therefore, I deleted my post. I was not there to be a receptacle of negative comments. I didn’t deserve any of them. None of us do!  I am not for public shaming, and criticizing people’s life choices. I believe in compassion, forgiveness and acceptance. I am going to continue sharing my truth and writing my stories, but the intent is always to inspire, to share information, and to lift people up. It is never ever to tear anyone down. I also don’t believe anyone on this earth has the right to judge another person for their life choices. Everyone’s journey and choices will be different. I’m still going to use my authentic voice. I’m still perfectly imperfect!. I love myself. The negative comments were a learning point of what some people are able to process and receive.   To be clear, I am guilt free, I am free of shame, I am free of judgment. Whatever endeavor you find yourself, keep yourself clean and untainted from the judgments of others! Don’t let it spoil you or dim your light, or discourage you from sharing your truth. Keep writing, singing, dancing, working, creating or
wherever your heart leads you to do!  Be authentically you!

Overcome Fear With Love

I’ve been working on a new book. Lots of people are writing books these days. I think more people write fiction books than nonfiction or personal memoirs. I write personal stories about my life, healing, and wisdom. I think I’m pretty good but I know not everyone is not interested in this. Anyway, most of my writings are little nuggets of truth I’ve learned along the way that I use to inspire others to think differently about life and issues in general. I don’t cover everything because I choose what I’m going to focus on.

I keep hitting blocks in my writing. I am so passionate about my subject so why doesn’t it just come? Well actually it does, I believe it’s just fear. Fear of what are people going to say or not say. Not that what others say is going to matter. It’s just a matter of principle we tend to care more about what others will say or do, and it stops us from living our dreams.

Fears keep us stuck. I wrote about overcoming fear with love in my first book, Dear Sophia Love Yourself! I really have to love my subject and my message in order to get out of this fear. I really love writing and sharing with the world, but I have the occasional fears, too.

My new book is about the metaphysical world, positive energy, meditation, crystals, angels, energy healing, and how I learned about it all. It’s a fascinating field, but I know it’s not really understood by those who are not into it. I am not an expert on the subject, I am just writing about my experiences. What I really want people to know about the metaphysical world is that it’s not crazy. It’s not quackery. It’s not dark, demonic or witchcraft, even though some might perceive it that way out of fear. Even more so is my wish for everyone to know that positive energy is wonderful and can do amazing things in your life.

I was just telling someone yesterday that crystals are out there shining and glimmering in the light. They don’t hide anything. When I look at them in the light, I can’t help but see my own issues. I can’t help but notice what needs to be seen and where acceptance, forgiveness, release, and adjustments could be made in order to improve my life. I am not afraid to look in the mirror and acknowledge my flaws, but also to see my inner beauty, and shine my light. I have overcome many fears. When a light is shined upon your life, it’s to heal, it’s to take you to the next level, it’s to create something new in your life by releasing the old, or whatever it may be. It’s nothing to be feared.

Fear is paralyzing and keeps us stuck in the past, in our pain, and from moving forward. Love overcomes fear. Love is the answer. Fear cannot dwell in the space of love. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Don’t let fear drown out your dreams and ambitions. Allow love to flow freely by releasing fear.

Letting Go of 2016

This is my last blog post of the year.  The end of the year is here! I find myself reflecting on all that transpired over the past 365 days. I laugh and I cry as I remember. I had many ups and downs and turn arounds. I released old fears, out dated beliefs, and habits. I’ve striven to live in peace with all and when I couldn’t, I prayed, meditated and reflected on my part. I gave the best from my heart. Where I failed, I apologized, and I forgave myself.

I’m taking the opportunity now to release all that no longer supports my personal and spiritual growth. Letting go is really easy!  Forgiving myself for my mistakes is very easy!  Giving myself the grace and compassion to let go of all the obstacles that have been in my way is easy peasy!As of now, I affirm, I  let go of the old and bring in the new. I let go of anger, hate and bitterness. I let go of unforgiveness and criticism. I let go of shame, doubt, fear mongering, and guilt.

I am free and clear of all people, energies, and items that no longer serve my highest good. I release the old and welcome the new! It’s a brand new day. I choose to live without the fear of the unknown.   I receive the health, love, success, and positive opportunities coming my way in 2017.  I give myself compassion as much as I give to others.  I give love to myself as I would give to another.   I live in peace, love and harmony with all of creation. I love myself!

I chose the featured song because I believe we are all innocent…Shine on!!!

Gift to Readers

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I’ve got the “f” word on my mind!  F is for family, friends, fans, and most importantly free!  This holiday season, the kindle version of my book, Dear Sophia, Love Yourself! is free to download from December 23-26 on amazon.   My  book is full of short stories about dealing with mental illness, and healing.  I had depression with psychotic features.   It’s my commentary of the mental health system, friends, and family who helped me through a dark period in my life.  It’s inspirational and a primer to think differently about mental health issues.

From the back cover:  Since I was a teenager, and for much of my adult life, I have been in and out of the mental health system, and have had various physical conditions for which I needed assistance.  This book is a compilation of stories about what I have overcome and how I did it.  These stories are my commentary on the help, or non-help, I received and various life experiences from which I learned valuable lessons that I want to share with the world.   I hope to inspire others who feel like there is no way out of a seemingly hopeless situation, or who just want to take positive steps to change the direction of their life.

Enjoy!

I like to inspire others to take actively participate in their own healing.

Changing & Loving Myself

These are exciting times for me because I’m continually changing or evolving. There’s only one constant thing and that is change. We’re either getting better, or we’re not, but change is subtly taking place. Our actions dictate what’s going to happen next or not. But things are changing. I’m getting older and dealing with habits I developed a long time ago differently if only because I’m older. I understand more. I am able to see clearly what action steps to take next in order to shift my life. Even if it seems the same, the fact that I can look at it and notice, means it’s slightly different.

People really do change. I used to not believe it, but then I changed. I used to be chronically suicidal. I was very depressed and had PTSD. But I healed and I changed. I changed my mindset, too. I changed how I think about life and how I deal with life. I realize I was stuck believing I would always be ill, but here I am now healed. I changed how I deal with problems. Instead of spiraling down into chaos, I deal with whatever is presenting itself to me. I have a wide range of emotions, I am no longer afraid to feel nor express them. I allow myself to feel sad because I know I won’t cry forever. I allow myself to get angry without being destructive. I allow myself to be happy! I allow myself to be in the present, right now, and no longer look back at my painful and chaotic past. If I do take a glimpse, and I smile knowing I survived! I conquered! I lived to tell about it!

Some people believe change is hard. It’s only hard if you resist it. Go with the flow. Make the necessary adjustments and you’ll see how easy it can be! Our resistance is what makes it hard! Change is constant and it’s good for us. Not too many years ago, I would constantly check in with myself to make sure I was in touch with reality. I no longer do that because I am no longer in that state. I changed. Now I meditate, I sing, I laugh, I cry, I dance, I exercise, I read, I write, I spend time outdoors, I talk to people, I write blogs, and lots of stuff I enjoy, or, that is good for my mental health! I take care of myself. I honor myself. I sleep when I’m tired. I eat when I’m hungry. I take care of my mind and body. I love myself!

I want to reiterate, I wasn’t this way before, for I was in a constant state of turmoil, depression. suicidal ideation, and chaos. I was on lot of psychotropic medications that only dulled my senses. The medication didn’t change my mindset about life, and dealing with mental illness. I no longer have the symptoms of mental illness. However, I will not venture to say I’m “normal.” What the hell is normal anyway? There’s no such thing! I’m simply me. I am a sensitive person though and it took me a long time to realize this! When I realized it, I was able to see that I’m different from others and I am unique. I didn’t need to strive to be like someone else. I merely wanted to be comfortable with me in my own skin!

There are some people who are very different from others, and because they don’t think like them nor act like them, they think there is something wrong with them! And you know what else? Those other people think there is something wrong with them, too! But no, there is nothing wrong with being different! Do not change yourself to fit into someone else’s view of you or to fit in! Be yourself. Love yourself! If you want to change something about yourself, that’s fine, but do it for you and no one else! I have learned to just love and appreciate myself just the way I am and things have a way of sorting themselves out.

It’s easy to change when you love yourself. I eat healthy foods because I love myself. I exercise my body because I love myself. I sleep at night because I love myself. I drink lots of water because I love myself. I meditate daily because I love myself. I take a break when I’m tired because I love myself. I spend time with others because I love myself. I give generously to others because I love others, and I love myself. I am compassionate to me and others because I love myself. I clean my home because I love myself. Everything I do is out of love for life, others, and myself.

I’m just as important as others. I am worthy. I am lovable. I am loved. I love. I love myself. I’m not just changing though, I am releasing or letting go of things that are no longer good for me. I love myself so I don’t abuse my body. I don’t talk badly about myself. I don’t berate myself. I talk lovingly to myself. I ask for help when I need it. If I fall short of my best self, I forgive myself, and keep on loving myself. I am the key to changing myself. I am at peace with myself because I love myself. I am free to be myself because I love me! I love who I am today and who I am becoming! I love myself!

Truthing

“…the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.” It’s the oath we make when we’re in court. But what about everyday truth? Who do I bear allegiance to then? Usually it’s me! We all have different versions of truth. When I’m talking about something and someone absolutely cannot see it happening or refuses to believe it, it doesn’t change my truth and I don’t change it to make them feel better! Or do I?

Many times, I’ve watered down something to help someone accept what I’m trying to say because they just could not hear it! However, I found this to eat away at my core. It bothered my conscience. I would feel empty inside and misunderstood. I couldn’t tell the whole truth! It’s very uncomfortable. It’s not authentic. I have learned to be careful with who I’m sharing my truth with. I don’t just tell anyone because not all are ready for it. It’s okay. It’s not for everyone either.

Everyone all around the world have different versions of truth. I believe everyone has the innate ability to hear, discern, and know truth. There’s an internal guidance system called our intuition. It really depends upon our early teachings, our impressions, and what we personally believe that leads to interpretations of truth. This is an undeniable fact. So many people hear the exact same story, but based on their filters and personal beliefs will interpret it in their own way that makes sense to them. Whatever you hear me NOT saying or between the lines has more to do with you than me! Think about it…

It is good for your mental health to question truth every now and then!  What are you believing or telling yourself?  Is it really true?  Is it true today, right now, or is it something from the past?  Is it your belief or someone else’s?  Do you water it down for  someone else?  Do you exaggerate it?   It is written, “the truth will set you free.”  What is truth?

My blog posts, and my book, Dear Sophia, Love Yourself, are primer’s to get people to start thinking about issues differently. To look at them from a different perspective to learn, grow, or change mindset. They are especially written to spark an “aha” moment! It’s works for me! Comments are always welcome.

Government bullying

This morning, sitting around the kitchen table, we were all discussing the silly laws our government has created. Not too long ago, a guest, from out of state, was fined for falling asleep at the bus stop! There are serious abuses of power within the government, who believes what they’re doing is to serve and protect. However, some of the very laws created to protect one group of people ends up hurting another.

We all have numerous examples of government bullying. Laws were created to establish order and keep people safe, yet all too often, ordinary human behavior becomes defined as criminal activity. An organization wanted to feed the homeless at a park but were fined because they didn’t have the proper permits. It’s a very sad state. Why doesn’t the government feed the people, then? They have the permission to give the permits, then they should do it, right? I’m not here to bash the government or to rile up anyone, but we do need revolution.

We shouldn’t have to jump through government hoops to feed people. I believe people have also become too dependent upon the government for help and direction. Everyday citizens can lend a hand to someone in need. We live in this great country of abundance and yet so many are barely getting by. In my own case, many times, I’ve been afraid to ask anyone for help. I was afraid of being judged, or turned down. I didn’t risk asking for help, and then the government had to step in to take care of me. The government may have programs to help people, but it’s the compassion from our neighbors, or family that makes a huge difference.

I believe we all want the same thing. We want to live in peace, safety, and harmony with everyone. We want a safe place to live, jobs, and healthy food to eat. We want what the constitution offers which is life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. However, everyone has different ideas of what that means for them and how to accomplish it. Therefore, if we want to see change, we each must get involved in changing the way the government operates. We are the government because we elect those in power.

Call or send your letters of concern to your representatives. And while we’re at it, let’s write them about what they’re doing right as well as what can be improved upon or needs a major overhaul. Let’s thank them for their service. Appreciation for the little things go a very long way. Be the change. We are all responsible for our lives, and our future, take back your power, and speak up for what is right, decent, and humane. Love and peace.