Tag Archives: abuse

Parental Bullies

I’ve been agonizing over what to write about parental bullying. There is no simple way to say it. Included in the parental bullying are: grandparents, caregivers, uncles, aunts, foster parents, or those in authority over a child and adult children. I’m just going to briefly state different types of bullying:

Verbal berating, criticizing, teasing and belittling.

Physically beating the child with an object, hands, feet, etc..leaving cuts and bruises.

Sexually assaulting a child.

Insisting children share your religious beliefs.

Rejecting the children/adult children based on their career, lifestyle, partner choices.

Threatening to cause harm to a child for disobedience or noncompliance.

Withholding food, clothing, shelter, and emotional support.

I could go on and on but I really don’t want to. My intention of writing this post about parental bullying is to talk about what this type of bullying does to someone. For me, I grew up feeling like I didn’t matter. I felt like I had no say over what happened to me. I felt very disempowered. I felt robbed of my right to life and safety. I didn’t feel safe growing up. Grownups weren’t safe people, neither were some of the kids, but mostly it was the adults who were supposed to keep me safe. I was in a constant state of anxiety and fear. I didn’t know what would happen from one minute to the next. I did not dare speak to anyone of what took place at home due to being threatened. I want to reiterate that I did not dare to speak. Some people will ask, “Why didn’t you speak up?” It was beaten into me that I better not say anything. I had my voice stripped away. Lots of people feel powerless due to not being able to talk about it.

Many people have been bullied in their lives and if you wonder why they don’t speak up, it’s not because they agree or condone with someone’s bad behavior, but it’s because they were taught to be quiet while witnessing horrific events upon themselves or someone else. Many just silently weep in the middle of the night, wishing it will stop. These children grow up to be very depressed, angry, anxious,fighters, feeling inferior, have personality disorders, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

We are the walking wounded, and sometimes we go over the top fighting the system or just being compliant. Sometimes afraid to make the wrong choice or go along with someone else’s plan for our lives instead of what we really wanted. However, some simply don’t know what we want because someone else decided for us and think we’re too stupid to make our own choices. You’re not stupid, you get to decide from now on!

Since I have healed from depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and PTSD now I am here to encourage those who have experienced parental bullying to speak up. Take back your voice. Find your power. Get help from a friend, counselor, coach, or healer. You are worth it. You don’t deserve to live in fear of using your voice. You are allowed to speak your truth. You are allowed to tell your stories. You are allowed to heal from all manner of bullying and abuse. Love yourself!  You are worthy!  One final note, I have forgiven the people who bullied me.  I do not hold any anger or ill will towards any of them.  I wish them love, peace, and healing.  Many bullies were given poor examples of parenting, which is why I can easily choose to forgive with grace and ease.

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Be Weird!

Many times in my life I didn’t join in on fun with others because I thought it was “weird” or those people were weird. I didn’t want to look weird. I didn’t want to embarrass myself. I didn’t want to look silly. I didn’t want people noticing or judging me! I was so damn judgmental of what was weird. In reality, I really was different and didn’t like it. I had mental illness and I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn’t like myself. I didn’t love myself. I missed out on so much.

Some people will enter their 50s or more and suffer with depression, anxiety and regret because of the choices they made or didn’t make. They feel like they wasted their years. It took me many years to learn to not care what others think about the way I walk, talk, dress, eat, sleep, or live my life. Live your life on your terms. Get in touch with your inner freak! We’re all different and special, and weird in some quirky way. Get over it and get on with your life!

I admit I was also a very shy, introverted and ultra conservative person! I had numerous mental disorders as well. I didn’t want to “look” crazy or scare people. I was just a mess! And here’s the thing that is most heartbreaking is allowing what we perceive someone else to be thinking about us to dictate our behavior. In my many years of living, I had to learn to take some huge risks in order to free myself from fears and limiting behavior. I am in the position now to teach my adult children how to embrace life and enjoy it’s beauty no matter what anyone thinks.

Go ahead and hug a tree even if it looks weird. Wear those clothes that look odd or some think are “weird.” Look ridiculous! Dance, laugh and have a jolly old time. If you’re going out in public and it’s scary for you, rehearse at home how you’re going to behave in public. I used to do that with my kids when they were little before we went to the store. We talked about where we were going, what they were going to do (like hold on to the cart, stay with me, not beg for things, use their inside voices, etc…). I had to do it to help keep me focused on what was necessary and to make sure I had their cooperation.

Spend time getting comfortable in your own skin. Embrace the weirdness! Nowadays, I look in the mirror and just laugh at myself and the things I used to be so afraid of. I’m defintely weird, too! I do not fit the “norm” whatever that may be and I’m okay with it! I love me and accept me just the way I am. I still practice how I am going to be when I go out. I have a tendency to be quiet and shy. I think about what I’m going to say, how I’m going to present myelf and be friendly. It helps to practice it with safe people, too, like a grocery clerk. Love yourself and share your light with the world!

Hello world!

This is my other blog!  I share my wisdom and stories a bit unrelated to my book Dear Sophia, Love Yourself!  Okay this might sound corny but you know my name is Sophia which means wisdom in Greek.  I feel this great unspoken pressure to be wise.  Yet it comes very natural and flows freely from my pseudo version of spirituality.  I’m probably going to share things you might not have wanted to know me.  However, it will at least sound wise most of the time.   I actually graduated from the SHK, but I didn’t stop learning and I find myself learning on a deeper level and new understanding of things I learned long ago.   For those who don’t know SHK is School of Hard Knocks!  You might find this hard to believe but I am sort of a wizard of wit and wisdom, hence the reasoning behind Sophia’s Wizdom!  I have no plans to quit my day job and become a comedian nor guru.   I just happen to believe I have lots of insight into many things and I happily volunteer my time to share it with the world and my faithful readers.    It may appear I’m full of myself, but I’m actually quite meek and humble.  I’m not trying to brag here, but just rest assured, I have several humble badges.   I share stories of love, joy, laughter and tears.