Tag Archives: change

Seasons Change

I keep going back to the turning points in my life. I turn a corner and I realize there’s yet another corner to turn! I build my momentum and excitement to get to the next corner. Sometimes there’s a huge celebration, other times, I’m thinking, “why did I bother?” Every time I think I’m enlightened, I realize there’s more enlightenment or levels of awareness. Lol. Then I realize, I know nothing about enlightenment!

I’m just very excited. I’m excited about all the twists and turns my life has taken. I’m excited because I was stuck in a downward spiral and now I’m just constantly going upward and just when I think I can’t go any higher, I’m lifted even higher! I seem to be constantly gauging my reactions to the stimuli that life presents to me. I wonder if I’m over reacting, overly excitement, or if I’m not excited enough. I’m naturally analytical and introspective mostly towards myself and the things I’m engaging with in my life.

There have been some very defining moments in my life when everything changed. I’m talking about changing from someone who took numerous psychotropics to none; someone who was very depressed, psychotic, and suffering with post traumatic stress disorder. I have recently discovered that most of the changes in my life, although they came about from a specific catalyst, the biggest factor that took me to a mentally healthier version of me, was letting go of fears. I let go of the fears of the unknown. I stopped worrying about what others would think. I stopped worrying about being judged. I stopped wondering what if something went wrong and instead dreamed about things going right. I stopped the fearful thoughts that swirled around and around in my head. They certainly weren’t working for me!

I also decided to believe change is possible. I decided to bet on me. I decided to try anything and everything to radically switch the direction of my life instead of going with the same old status quo. There really are seasons of our lives. It’s important to recognize what season I’m in, in order to switch between seasons with grace and ease, and fearlessly. It’s nice to add a bit of inquisitiveness. What is around the corner? What is just around the river bend? Where is the bend in the road leading me to? Can I just peek a little bit as I hurry over there? I’m not afraid, simply because I’ve turned so many corners, despite sometimes not even knowing what to expect (although I did expect something good, at least).

The biggest factor which effected the direction I took, as the seasons changed, was questioning my fears, my self talk, and fear mongering. I especially like to question when someone else tries to tell me what is best for me. I definitely question prolific fear mongering in all of it’s forms. Pretty soon here, I’m going to start a rant about fear mongering. The biggest fear mongering that annoys me is the fear of judgement. I will be the first to admit that I used to be very fearful of judgement, especially judgment from God. However, I don’t live with this fear anymore. It was a very long season of my life, in which I feared judgement from God. However, the season has changed. I am happier and freer since I let go of this fear and many other fears. Every now and then, someone will do a little bit of fear mongering to suck me back into it, by telling me that God’s going to come judge me, but I don’t buy into it.

The final indication of the season changing is that I’m willing to write and talk about letting go of fears! I no longer fear what people will say about my changing my mind about fears. I changed my mind about God’s judgment. It’s a brand new season! This is a huge step because it’s sort of the precursor to another book I’ve been writing. The message here, right now, is that people change their minds about things, their beliefs and their ideas, and it’s totally okay! It’s okay to question my beliefs. It’s okay to say, “That sounds like bullshit!” I used to be afraid to question things, and I loathed myself.  Now, I love myself and I allow myself to have different beliefs than others. It’s about being true to me and what works for me. I live from the heart. I ask myself, “what would love to do?” I do this because I personally believe, love is the answer.   Seasons change.

Happy Endings, New Beginnings!

This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 10

It’s the last day of the freedom plan blog challenge and now time to reflect.   As I type this, I’m listening to one of my favorite inspirational classical songs, called Canon In D by Johann Pachelbel.  I started listening to it after downloading an album of 50 classical songs for babies when my first granddaughter was born.  I noticed I kept going back to it and wanted to find other versions of it;  like there are some arrangements with the violin, piano, harpsichord, etc.  In my search for other versions, I noticed the song is most often played at wedding ceremonies.    Wow, I am always learning something new!  Being an introspective junkie, I wondered why I liked it so much.  For me, it sounds fresh.  It’s invigorating.  It’s hopeful, delightful, it makes me smile and cry at once.

As we come to the close of the blog challenge, I find myself feeling invigorated, alive, hopeful, delighted, smiling and crying at once.   It was quite the trip as I stretched myself way out of my comfort zone to write a different type of blog post.  I really had to work hard to think about my posts because for me, since my blog is about “Enlightenment and Aha Moments”, the challenge was the aha!.  Looking at my vision, plans, and why I do what I do all created aha moments for me.  It was a bit awkward, but I’m used to writing out my thought processes.  I just had to think about things a little bit differently.

My favorite blog post was the second one because it’s about freedom.  It’s what we all want and strive for in it’s many forms.  It’s the one that made me dig deep to get at the heart of why I write, blog, and share my stories.   It’s also the one that I would go back to when I thought I just couldn’t blog anymore!  Hehehe.   The times when I thought I had enough, that I couldn’t do it, yet I didn’t stop.   Yes, there was a lot of releasing of the old and in with the new.  It was a time of shedding fears to bring in the new me; the one that is emerging from her cocoon.  It is the end of hiding.   It’s a fresh beginning of a new way to live in freedom.   I really am free to be me!  I can only do me like no other!   It’s my time to shine.

I’m taking away from it that confidence and strength to keep going  and expanding , and to not sit idly on my dreams.  I also realized, I’m closer to getting to where I want to be than I thought.  I thought my dream was way off in the distant future, but now I know I can take action steps, gain information, attend some classes to get me there.   I’m going to keep on taking steps to my personal freedom, and take as many people with me as possible!   I’m opening the door, stepping outside to a new adventure or chapter in my life.   Thank you Natalie for this wonderful opportunity.

 

Fear and Bullies

When I was little girl, I was afraid to let my foot hang over the edge of the bed. I was afraid of whatever was under the bed would reach up and grab it and drag me under. I was also afraid to go in the closet at night and I slept with the light on. I didn’t like seeing any dark shadows! As an adult now, I can see how fears can grab hold of me and take me under! It makes me afraid to speak up or to let myself be seen. Lately, the theme of overcoming fears has been coming up a lot. Fears of the unknown needs to be illuminated. I’m not saying there are no real dangers out in the world, I’m just talking of the unknown ones. Nowadays, if I’m afraid of what’s in the closet, I’ll go in there and make friends with it. I go in there, turn on the light and see that there is no monster!! I turn off the light and see there is nothing there. The monster was all in my mind. I created it with my fearful thoughts. If there is anything I’m afraid of, I go find out what it is. I make peace with it and “it” really is just fearful thoughts that try to get the best of me. I encourage each one to not be paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. If something or some place is dark, turn on the light. Illuminate it and see it for what it really is. Don’t be bullied by fear of the unknown.

Speaking of bullies, that’s exactly what they do, they instill fear and terror in their victims. I recently saw a movie about bullies. It helped inspire this blog post. I had my share of bullies growing up. Many kids are teased and picked on for being different. They are made fun of if you have a disability, too short, too tall, too round, too thin, too smart or not smart enough. The list goes on and on. I was a sensitive child.  I had many fears of the unknown but many of them were based on actual monsters in the form of a bully. When people are made fun of because they’re different it hurts to the core and a person can develop all kinds of fears, withdraw from society, have an inferiority complex, depression, anxiety and on it goes.

I was very sad and lonely as a child. I cried a lot and I felt everything deeply. I still feel everything deeply. Some of us are hardwired that way. Some people said I was too shy, too thin skinned or needed to toughen up. Yes, the world can be a harsh and cruel place to live in but I don’t believe becoming hardened is the answer. No, because there are so many people in this world who are different. There are no two people alike. We all have strengths and weaknesses. No one needs to be ashamed of themselves for being different and not fitting in with the “normal” crowd. I would submit that the world is what needs to change. Those who are different don’t need to adapt but the world needs to adapt to them. The world can learn to be kinder, gentler, accepting and loving to those who are different or tenderhearted. The world can learn to be at peace and accept everyone and live at peace with all peoples. It all starts from within. It starts with our hearts and accepting those who don’t look like you, talk like you, act like you, or think like you do. No more bullies!!!

Natural Life Cycles

One of the most surprising things about my recovery is that I recovered! It’s not that I don’t experience depression or anxiety, they just don’t dominate my life and I no longer need medication. I’ve noticed there are many factors which contributed to my healing. Yes I did lots of therapy. I learned to coping skills. I learned to meditate and laugh!! I also believe there is a natural life cycle at work here. I outgrew those old coping mechanisms. I no longer need to dissociate or be disconnected. I healed the painful wounds which tormented me for years.

In my observation I’ve noticed life frequently calls upon us to learn and grow. Think about it. There was a time when I was an infant. I learned to crawl, walk, and then run. There are things one must learn before proceeding to the next level. Many times, when I was struggling with my mental health, I just wanted to be done with therapy. The more I got better, the less patient I was with the process. I wanted to run to the head of the class! My therapist office was no longer acceptable to me. I wanted to be out in the world to explore and be part of society. These are natural life cycles.

When you allow yourself to learn, to grow, expand your thinking, get out of the box, discover something new about life and nature, you automatically shift yourself into another mode. The old mode and way of thinking is out dated. It’s time for an upgrade! At one point, children leave their parents home when they are ready to live on their own and make a living. These are all natural life cycles as is letting go of old ways of doing things. It seems like everyday I am challenged to let go of something old, to see something or someone with fresh eyes to embrace or create something new. Being stuck in the past, and not moving forward creates a cycle of disappointment and sadness which leads to anxiety about the future or how things are going.

Mostly, I am challenged to be gentle with myself as I walk through this life as I recognize there are cycles to everything. Think about the seasons. There is winter but spring and summer are on the way! It’s important to recognize what cycle I’m in so that I do not lose heart or give up but to keep going. But you know it took me many years to learn this! I was 46 years old when I finally learned to love, respect and honor myself which includes accepting myself. I’m here because I want to inspire others to know this is an important part of learning to navigate the natural cycles of life. It begins with loving yourself and recognizing the cycle of life you’re in so that you know where you are and where you’re headed or if adjustments need to be made. It’s all good when it comes from a place of love. Change is good, and natural!

Clarity!

I’ve been working on a new book about being crystal clear. It took me a long time to get to this place. There have been many moments of revelation or aha moments over the years, but nothing too dramatic until I got very serious about it! Part of it is because I was so ill and dysfunctional. What if someone had told me what they did to get clarity? Would I have cared or listened? Perhaps I’d say, “You don’t understand!” Or, “You don’t know what I’ve been through!” Even better, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” It’s my general response, because let’s face it, I’m an expert on me, myself, and I! At least, that’s what I thought. It’s not that I couldn’t hear anyone else’s perspective or opinion, but I wasn’t open to it. I could hear it, but easily dismissed it. I had many excuses for my condition, and couldn’t accept that someone else might know another way to help me heal.

My husband and I have been driving up the Mississippi River these past couple of weeks. We’ve seen the power of the river. It has served as the livelihood and the devastation of many people for many years. I see how people used the river to help their business, and then fought it as it flooded their towns. People put up sand bags, levees and took different tactics to save themselves. It was heartbreaking to read these different stories of the devastation many times. However, they survived! Those who didn’t lose their lives or move away rebuilt them! They adjusted their course. Built their houses on stilts or took other measures to protect themselves when the river overflowed. The river is constantly changing.

The world is constantly changing, growing, evolving and shifting. How could I possibly stay the same??? Yet, that’s precisely what I did for many years. I allowed my past to define my present. Very silly! I allowed myself to live in a mental and spiritual rut which kept me very sick. I lived in fear of people who had hurt me in the past when they no longer had power over me.

I didn’t give myself permission to be happy because I had always been sad and depressed. Not only that but I didn’t feel worthy to be happy. The world was scary and dangerous! You can’t control a river but you might be able to contain or work with it. You can’t control other people, but you can shine your light and be an example for all to see how to shine their own!

Treat yourself with love, respect and dignity so others can see how to to do it as well! I love to ask questions to get myself and others thinking to come up with their own answers. Asking questions helps to gain clarity. What needs clarity so you can change and adapt to the changing times? How can you be part of the solution and not the problem? What needs clarification?

Flexibility

In the last few weeks, my son turned 18 years old, my daughter blessed me with a second grand-daughter, and I planned with my husband across the country away from my new little babe!  We’ve spent long hours planning this trip, on the road, trying to sleep, and enjoy myself.   Life is just frustrating at times!  I miss the kiddos back home, but we did Skype once.  There’s also the unreliable GPS, and at times nonexistent internet connection! Such a trip!  Prior to the internet, there were other frustrations like maybe we had the wrong map or we had no idea how far it was to the next town for a potty stop.  Times have changed drastically!

Even more so are my personal changes.  We all change at some point, for better or worse.  Some of us are moving forward, others are stagnant, and still others are going backwards.   That’s why it’s important to be flexible, go with the flow, take a breath, relax and keep your head up.  Don’t let these little nuances get you down!   Also, if take advantage of the precious moments, you never know what could happen just around the bend.  Here’s a really hard one I’ve had to learn, don’t stay stuck with the same information!  We get inundated with new information all of the time and sometimes it’s because an application gets updated, or new details are added!  It’s easy to get frustrated and say, “but I thought….”  It’s simply time to go with the flow and adjust your sails for the new information or I can ignore it, too, especially if it’s irrelevant!    That’s where your intuition needs to kick in.   Do you trust yourself to make the right choice? Be flexible to be wise!