Tag Archives: forgiveness

Legacy of Light

It’s the day we celebrate our mothers or not. Everyone says “Happy mother’s day” but I know not everyone has a happy day. Some of us are sad about our mothers and our own motherhood. I used to be one of those. I was very cynical about mother’s day. I wasn’t happy with my mother, then she passed away and I had no reason to celebrate it. I certainly wasn’t happy with the type of mother I was turning out to be either! I was always aware of my own shortcomings and the things I wished I hadn’t done as a mother. However, as I worked on my issues and changed my perspective about mothers, I began to heal and I also had a newfound respect for my own mother.

Mothers are not perfect, some of them are broken, and others had very poor examples or didn’t have one at all. As I began to heal my issues, realized my unresolved pain, I slowly let myself off the hook. I forgave myself, I loved myself, and embraced my inner child who wanted unconditional love.  I let go of all previous guilt and shame. In turn, I was able to love and forgive my mother. I hope someday my own children will know I did the best I could and know that it’s all that is required of you as a mother or person.

As I heal myself, I allow love to wash over all the past, present, and future to heal my children and my children’s children. It begins with awareness and the desire to create a new life, and new stories and chapters in our lives. The past doesn’t define our present, unless we let it. The past has no hold over our current lives. We can completely let it go, create new memories and start a new legacy of light. A legacy of light is one where we let our lights shine. The light shines brightest in the darkness. It brings hope, healing and love for all. Our light is passed down from generation to generation. We get to choose how we will shine our light. I am thankful for my mother and the light she birthed in me. Namaste.

Peaceful meditation

When I first began to meditate, I was just curious about all the hoopla about it. So many people talked about the wonders of it, I felt like I was missing out! I had to find out! I wondered if it could really help me be more at peace with myself. I certainly wanted a lot more peace. I wanted to know if it would help me to sleep at night. I wanted to know if I could really shut down all the anxiety producing thoughts that were constantly running through my mind. The very first time, I concentrated on an LED light and I ended up falling asleep. I did it again and again. At the time, I had extreme anxiety and PTSD. I had inside and outer voices going on. I was coming out of a major depressive disorder. It worked wonders.

At some point, I was able to stay awake during the meditation time. When I’m awake while meditating, I am able to just observe my thoughts without judgment. I can see what is capable of changing. I see my knee jerk reactions, my sorrow, my happiness, and joy. I accept them all. Being in a meditative state brings about clarity. It’s calmness in the storm. It’s looking at life from a bird’s eye view and knowing it’s going to be okay. It’s letting go of all the “I have to”, “I need to”, and “I should”. It’s allowing life to happen at a natural flow. It’s going with the flow. It’s knowing what I can control, which is me, and what I can’t. Meditation has helped me to face my feelings. It has helped me to look at them and understand where they come from.

In the early days of learning to meditate, I was able to forgive lots of people, including myself. I let go of all the anger and unforgiveness by forgiving those who hurt me. I also forgave myself for those I hurt. I let others off the hook and I let myself off the hook. It’s a win-win situation. I let go of feeling guilt and shame for my past transgressions. I allowed forgiveness into my heart. It’s as easy as that! It doesn’t have to be hard or difficult.

I let go of the fear of what’s going to happen in the future. I accept that there are many unknowns and deal with what’s right in front of me. I can plan and take steps towards the future I desire, but I don’t have to have all the details worked out. I work with what’s available to me at this time while knowing and believing it’s all going to work out. If it doesn’t work out the way I planned, it’s okay. I’ll do something different! It’s okay to not have all the answers or have everything figured out. I’m at peace with myself and the world. I choose peace. I choose to be a peacemaker. I choose to live with the people in my life to the best of my ability with peace and love in my heart. I do what I can each day, then I go to bed in peace, knowing I did my best, and will carry on the next day.

I’ve made meditation a regular part of my life now. It is my number one stress reliever. It doesn’t take a lot of time. Sometimes, it’s just taking a deep breath in, and exhaling. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. I can do it anywhere and anytime. I used to hear people say, “peace is just a breath away”, now I know what it means!  I breathe in peace, exhale stress!  Meditation is healing for the mind and body!

Parental Bullies

I’ve been agonizing over what to write about parental bullying. There is no simple way to say it. Included in the parental bullying are: grandparents, caregivers, uncles, aunts, foster parents, or those in authority over a child and adult children. I’m just going to briefly state different types of bullying:

Verbal berating, criticizing, teasing and belittling.

Physically beating the child with an object, hands, feet, etc..leaving cuts and bruises.

Sexually assaulting a child.

Insisting children share your religious beliefs.

Rejecting the children/adult children based on their career, lifestyle, partner choices.

Threatening to cause harm to a child for disobedience or noncompliance.

Withholding food, clothing, shelter, and emotional support.

I could go on and on but I really don’t want to. My intention of writing this post about parental bullying is to talk about what this type of bullying does to someone. For me, I grew up feeling like I didn’t matter. I felt like I had no say over what happened to me. I felt very disempowered. I felt robbed of my right to life and safety. I didn’t feel safe growing up. Grownups weren’t safe people, neither were some of the kids, but mostly it was the adults who were supposed to keep me safe. I was in a constant state of anxiety and fear. I didn’t know what would happen from one minute to the next. I did not dare speak to anyone of what took place at home due to being threatened. I want to reiterate that I did not dare to speak. Some people will ask, “Why didn’t you speak up?” It was beaten into me that I better not say anything. I had my voice stripped away. Lots of people feel powerless due to not being able to talk about it.

Many people have been bullied in their lives and if you wonder why they don’t speak up, it’s not because they agree or condone with someone’s bad behavior, but it’s because they were taught to be quiet while witnessing horrific events upon themselves or someone else. Many just silently weep in the middle of the night, wishing it will stop. These children grow up to be very depressed, angry, anxious,fighters, feeling inferior, have personality disorders, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

We are the walking wounded, and sometimes we go over the top fighting the system or just being compliant. Sometimes afraid to make the wrong choice or go along with someone else’s plan for our lives instead of what we really wanted. However, some simply don’t know what we want because someone else decided for us and think we’re too stupid to make our own choices. You’re not stupid, you get to decide from now on!

Since I have healed from depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and PTSD now I am here to encourage those who have experienced parental bullying to speak up. Take back your voice. Find your power. Get help from a friend, counselor, coach, or healer. You are worth it. You don’t deserve to live in fear of using your voice. You are allowed to speak your truth. You are allowed to tell your stories. You are allowed to heal from all manner of bullying and abuse. Love yourself!  You are worthy!  One final note, I have forgiven the people who bullied me.  I do not hold any anger or ill will towards any of them.  I wish them love, peace, and healing.  Many bullies were given poor examples of parenting, which is why I can easily choose to forgive with grace and ease.