Tag Archives: therapy

In The Driver’s Seat

Many years ago, I was in such a mental state that someone had to drive me to my counseling appointments. The therapist was about an hour away and sometimes it was a very distressing appointment and I was in no condition to drive home so she made a rule that someone had to drive me. I had forgotten all about that period in my life until recently when I’ve been driving people here and there, and all over the place! Suddenly, I remembered and thought, “I’m in the driver’s seat now!” It was a wonderful aha moment of recognition. Of course, I’ve been there for a while now, but something in my soul wanted me to recognize how far I have come.

There are many people who choose to ride in the back seat for various reasons. Yet, it’s important to know regardless of who is driving, you’re still in charge of your life, you still get to choose the path, and the means of getting from one place to another. Yet there are those who idly sit by and let someone else dictate what they are going to do with their lives. Maybe it’s a parent’s dream for you to be a Doctor, Lawyer or pro basketball player, but you want to have nothing to do with those things. It’s okay to choose a different path
for yourself.

I love to tell people, your past does not define who you are today. It doesn’t define who you are becoming or where you’re headed either! Everyone can choose at any moment who we’re going to be, right now, today. We don’t have to be bound to our past decisions and choices. We also don’t have to believe or do everything our parents did. It’s my life. It’s your life! Make it a good one!

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Sing A Song

The last couple of days, I’ve written about bullying, today I’m switching it a little bit. My biggest point in writing about it has been to empower yourself, speak up for yourself or someone else. Use your voice, your actions, and compassion to overcome the effects of bullying. So today, I will briefly share what I have done and am doing to help myself. I believe I was healed in order to heal others, to share my stories of healing and lead the way for someone else to rise up out of despair, depression, anxiety, and on.

An important aspect of my healing was talk therapy, lots of journaling, writing, and basically communicating. It’s important to have the right person though. Let’s be honest, not everyone is prepared to hear our sad stories, or to deal with depression and anger. Sometimes people just don’t want to talk about difficult subjects. You notice in many social circles the rule is to not talk about religion nor politics. Okay, I’m getting off the subject for a second. The reason is because the subjects can be heated since everyone passionately believes in their stance. Sometimes, anger arises, frustration and sadness. People don’t always know how to deal with these so called negative emotions. However, these are common feelings which everyone has! Why are we uncomfortable with them? It’s perfectly human to get angry, frustrated, sad and depressed over the state of the world or our inner turmoil. It’s what we do with these emotions that counts. ¬†We don’t hurt anyone with our words or actions when we’re feeling angry and frustrated.

This is where compassion and patience comes into play. When we are discussing difficult subjects such as bullying, it gets uncomfortable because in many situations we’re told not to talk about it We’re told not to talk about the family business. The alcoholic uncle, addicted sister, molestation, incest and mental illnesses. However, I’m here to tell you that in order for our society to heal collectively and individually is to come out of our comfort zones and speak it or write about it. It’s the way through and up. Do not shove it under the covers and hide in guilt or shame. Shine a light upon it and in time you will see your healing. It’s scary at first, but with each baby step, next thing you know, you are running towards release, freedom and healing. You are no longer carrying that heavy burden. I highly recommend a compassionate therapist, friend, family member, or support group to get help and healing.

One way to strengthen your voice, and to feel confident is to sing. If you can’t sing, then hum a song. Eventually, just sing your heart out. I had to take back my voice. I used to speak in a very soft voice, and I didn’t enunciate my words very well, or I spoke too fast due to nervousness. I still struggle sometimes, but I’m much more confident now. I sing my favorite songs, one is Whitney Houston’s Greatest Love of All. I can’t reach her vocal range, but as I strive to, it helps me to exercise my own vocal chords.

When you are singing and working those chords, and you think you can’t get them to get any further, go just a little bit more. I feel empowered, strong, and courageous to share my stories as I learn to use my voice or just writing. The other thing it does, is you are less effected by criticism and I don’t fear judgment so much when I have confidence in speaking. Look into laughter clubs, too. Just google “laughter club.” It’s good to have a nice laugh every now and then, and you learn to relax in social situations. Love yourself!!

Natural Life Cycles

One of the most surprising things about my recovery is that I recovered! It’s not that I don’t experience depression or anxiety, they just don’t dominate my life and I no longer need medication. I’ve noticed there are many factors which contributed to my healing. Yes I did lots of therapy. I learned to coping skills. I learned to meditate and laugh!! I also believe there is a natural life cycle at work here. I outgrew those old coping mechanisms. I no longer need to dissociate or be disconnected. I healed the painful wounds which tormented me for years.

In my observation I’ve noticed life frequently calls upon us to learn and grow. Think about it. There was a time when I was an infant. I learned to crawl, walk, and then run. There are things one must learn before proceeding to the next level. Many times, when I was struggling with my mental health, I just wanted to be done with therapy. The more I got better, the less patient I was with the process. I wanted to run to the head of the class! My therapist office was no longer acceptable to me. I wanted to be out in the world to explore and be part of society. These are natural life cycles.

When you allow yourself to learn, to grow, expand your thinking, get out of the box, discover something new about life and nature, you automatically shift yourself into another mode. The old mode and way of thinking is out dated. It’s time for an upgrade! At one point, children leave their parents home when they are ready to live on their own and make a living. These are all natural life cycles as is letting go of old ways of doing things. It seems like everyday I am challenged to let go of something old, to see something or someone with fresh eyes to embrace or create something new. Being stuck in the past, and not moving forward creates a cycle of disappointment and sadness which leads to anxiety about the future or how things are going.

Mostly, I am challenged to be gentle with myself as I walk through this life as I recognize there are cycles to everything. Think about the seasons. There is winter but spring and summer are on the way! It’s important to recognize what cycle I’m in so that I do not lose heart or give up but to keep going. But you know it took me many years to learn this! I was 46 years old when I finally learned to love, respect and honor myself which includes accepting myself. I’m here because I want to inspire others to know this is an important part of learning to navigate the natural cycles of life. It begins with loving yourself and recognizing the cycle of life you’re in so that you know where you are and where you’re headed or if adjustments need to be made. It’s all good when it comes from a place of love. Change is good, and natural!