Tag Archives: truth

Self Help

Self help isn’t just a classification of books! For me, it’s about helping myself instead of waiting on someone else. I have read many books on self help, spirituality, scriptures, reinventing the self, motivation, and inspiring stories. None of these will ever help if you don’t take the information and do something about your life. It took me a very long time to realize this. Okay, I was slow to learn! It wasn’t until I questioned my beliefs about myself and life that I began to pay attention.

I let go of false beliefs and questionable theology more so than adopting new beliefs. Of course, it was easier to accept new beliefs and practices once I had an open minnd and let go of rigid belief systems. I went to lots of therapy, which helped tremendouly, but in helping myself, I was able to grow by leaps in bounds just by meditating, and getting honest with myself.

I had to get seriously honest with myself. I had to tell myself the truth of how I had messed up my own life. I also had to stop waiting on someone else to come save me from myself. No, I had to acknowledge the truth of where I had strayed, and where I had adopted others’ beliefs without question. However, I found that once I stopped believing dogmatic messages, I found I wasn’t so bad after all. I did more of what lifts me up. I hung out with positive people. I started taking charge of my own health and mental well being. I did things that were good for me without asking permission of anyone.

I’m allowed to make changes and adjustments in life that I see fit and that are good for me. And you know, when I did this, not only did I get better mentally, physically and spiritually, but it changed the dynamics of my relationships, too. I would say the best self help is to stop waiting on someone else to tell me what to do or how to live and just get very honest with myself!

Other people, who are not objective, will tell you how to fix your problems based upon their perception of your problem or how they solve their own problems. They can offer suggestions, but really at the end of the day, I have to decide for myself what’s good and right for me. I’m a good and kindhearted person. I can trust me to make good decisions. I can help myself. I can consult with others or ask for advice, but in the end it’s up to me what I choose to do. I’m in charge of myself.

When I am honest with myself, I check myself to see if I am living in integrity with my core belief systems or whether they need to be altered or released. And since I check myself, if I make a mistake, I don’t wallow in guilt, shame, blame, or fear. I correct it. I forgive myself. Self help is loving yourself!

My blog posts, and my book, Dear Sophia, Love Yourself, are primer’s to get people to start thinking about issues differently. To look at them from a different perspective to learn, grow, or change mindset. They are especially written to spark an “aha” moment! It’s works for me! Comments are always welcome.

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Truthing

“…the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.” It’s the oath we make when we’re in court. But what about everyday truth? Who do I bear allegiance to then? Usually it’s me! We all have different versions of truth. When I’m talking about something and someone absolutely cannot see it happening or refuses to believe it, it doesn’t change my truth and I don’t change it to make them feel better! Or do I?

Many times, I’ve watered down something to help someone accept what I’m trying to say because they just could not hear it! However, I found this to eat away at my core. It bothered my conscience. I would feel empty inside and misunderstood. I couldn’t tell the whole truth! It’s very uncomfortable. It’s not authentic. I have learned to be careful with who I’m sharing my truth with. I don’t just tell anyone because not all are ready for it. It’s okay. It’s not for everyone either.

Everyone all around the world have different versions of truth. I believe everyone has the innate ability to hear, discern, and know truth. There’s an internal guidance system called our intuition. It really depends upon our early teachings, our impressions, and what we personally believe that leads to interpretations of truth. This is an undeniable fact. So many people hear the exact same story, but based on their filters and personal beliefs will interpret it in their own way that makes sense to them. Whatever you hear me NOT saying or between the lines has more to do with you than me! Think about it…

It is good for your mental health to question truth every now and then!  What are you believing or telling yourself?  Is it really true?  Is it true today, right now, or is it something from the past?  Is it your belief or someone else’s?  Do you water it down for  someone else?  Do you exaggerate it?   It is written, “the truth will set you free.”  What is truth?

My blog posts, and my book, Dear Sophia, Love Yourself, are primer’s to get people to start thinking about issues differently. To look at them from a different perspective to learn, grow, or change mindset. They are especially written to spark an “aha” moment! It’s works for me! Comments are always welcome.

Parental Bullies

I’ve been agonizing over what to write about parental bullying. There is no simple way to say it. Included in the parental bullying are: grandparents, caregivers, uncles, aunts, foster parents, or those in authority over a child and adult children. I’m just going to briefly state different types of bullying:

Verbal berating, criticizing, teasing and belittling.

Physically beating the child with an object, hands, feet, etc..leaving cuts and bruises.

Sexually assaulting a child.

Insisting children share your religious beliefs.

Rejecting the children/adult children based on their career, lifestyle, partner choices.

Threatening to cause harm to a child for disobedience or noncompliance.

Withholding food, clothing, shelter, and emotional support.

I could go on and on but I really don’t want to. My intention of writing this post about parental bullying is to talk about what this type of bullying does to someone. For me, I grew up feeling like I didn’t matter. I felt like I had no say over what happened to me. I felt very disempowered. I felt robbed of my right to life and safety. I didn’t feel safe growing up. Grownups weren’t safe people, neither were some of the kids, but mostly it was the adults who were supposed to keep me safe. I was in a constant state of anxiety and fear. I didn’t know what would happen from one minute to the next. I did not dare speak to anyone of what took place at home due to being threatened. I want to reiterate that I did not dare to speak. Some people will ask, “Why didn’t you speak up?” It was beaten into me that I better not say anything. I had my voice stripped away. Lots of people feel powerless due to not being able to talk about it.

Many people have been bullied in their lives and if you wonder why they don’t speak up, it’s not because they agree or condone with someone’s bad behavior, but it’s because they were taught to be quiet while witnessing horrific events upon themselves or someone else. Many just silently weep in the middle of the night, wishing it will stop. These children grow up to be very depressed, angry, anxious,fighters, feeling inferior, have personality disorders, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

We are the walking wounded, and sometimes we go over the top fighting the system or just being compliant. Sometimes afraid to make the wrong choice or go along with someone else’s plan for our lives instead of what we really wanted. However, some simply don’t know what we want because someone else decided for us and think we’re too stupid to make our own choices. You’re not stupid, you get to decide from now on!

Since I have healed from depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and PTSD now I am here to encourage those who have experienced parental bullying to speak up. Take back your voice. Find your power. Get help from a friend, counselor, coach, or healer. You are worth it. You don’t deserve to live in fear of using your voice. You are allowed to speak your truth. You are allowed to tell your stories. You are allowed to heal from all manner of bullying and abuse. Love yourself!  You are worthy!  One final note, I have forgiven the people who bullied me.  I do not hold any anger or ill will towards any of them.  I wish them love, peace, and healing.  Many bullies were given poor examples of parenting, which is why I can easily choose to forgive with grace and ease.

Free To Be Me

Today our nation collectively and privately remembers and grieves the devastation of the 9/11 terrorist attacks fifteen years ago.  The theme for today’s blog challenge is freedom, what it means to me and why I do what I do.  I wrote my blog post early this morning and I took a break.  While I was taking a break, I thought some more about my blog post.  I thought of the words I used and the parts I had intentionally left out.   I realized since I censored some things, I hadn’t fully communicated what freedom means to me!  I had an “aha” moment.

This blog is one of the many outcomes of healing from mental illness.  However, I know that if I was still depressed, taking psychotropic medication, suffering with flashbacks from post traumatic stress disorder, and all the other problems I had at the time, I would not be writing any of this!  Because somewhere in our world and society we’ve decided not to talk about shameful or painful things.  We’ve decided it was not okay to hear about our wounds.  We’ve decided we should only talk about positive things.

There is a stigma especially for people who suffer with mental illness.   I understand there is a time and a place for these things, yet many times I cried in the darkness of my soul, all alone, because many people just didn’t want to hear about it.  For instance, at a ladies meeting at church, we broke into small circles for more intimacy.  When everyone was invited to share what’s new in our world, I said I was struggling with side effects of my medication for depression.  The facilitator replied, “let’s talk about something more positive.”  This was not an isolated incident.  It happened over and over again in various situations.  Or, sometimes people would say since the hurt happened a long time ago, I should just get over it.

When I think about freedom, it is to live without fear of tyranny, terrorism and oppression.  It’s also not living in fear of rejection and having to censor yourself, filter your words to make others more comfortable.  I do believe in the adage, “speak the truth in love”; to write and talk with compassion and consideration for others.   I eventually came to accept my truth and not hide in shame or embarrassment of it. This is how we grow and learn to accept, love, and honor ourselves which leads to healing.    It is listening with an open heart, and giving space to someone who might not have all their stuff together.  It is being authentic and honest.  I realize some people can’t handle the truth, and they live in fear of others finding out.  Fear is a cage we lock ourselves in real tight with the illusion of keeping our secrets safe.

It is perfectly normal and okay to grieve as long as it takes.  It’s okay be a work in progress.  There’s no rule of how long it takes.  It’s okay to be in therapy, have a psychiatrist and take medication.  Do what it takes for you, precious ones!!  Don’t let anyone make you feel less than or inferior because you have different problems or deal with life in your own way.   Life is beautiful and we are meant to be free to express ourselves in our own fashion.

Freedom is sharing from the heart what is most important to me.  It is having compassion for myself and others because I’ve been there.  It is living free without fear of what others are going to say or do.  It is living comfortably in my own skin, with my own personality quirks, and accepting all of it.  It is being my own unique self and not in competition with anyone else.  I can only do me, and choose to be my best self each day.  It is being free to shine my light, a la Sophia style!

“This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 2 [insert URL for this blog post, which ishttp://suitcaseentrepreneur.com/10DBC-Day-2]”